Oh, yeah. I have a blog.
I have a cat story.
When I was five years old, a little girl in love with kitties, and Little Joe’s horse from Bonanza, our neighbor’s cat had kittens. They were old enough to play with and be away from their mom so my best friend and I would dress them up, stuff them in our pockets and parade around the neighborhood lording our kitten largesse over the other plebeian kittenless kids.
Our neighborhood was really cool back then because crews were building new houses everywhere and we could run in and out between the 2×4 walls at will, playing house all day. That’s pretty much what we were doing one day when we got tired of packing the kittens around so we put our “baby” kitties down for their naps in a window well of one of the new basements. They would be safe there while we played.
And we played and we played and we played til the light started to fade.
At dinner time I drug myself into the house, dusty and tired and my mom asked me, “Where are the kittens?”
OK, let’s pause right here to say THE KITTENS ARE OK. NO KITTENS WERE HURT. It ends well for them. Ok, on with the story.
Those kittens were the most precious things I had in my young life and I had left them in a window well. In that moment my mom asked me where they were I realized I had completely forgotten the kittens even existed on the planet. I have never gotten over the guilt and shame of that moment. How could I have done that? Sure, I was only 5 and exhausted after “keeping house” all day and my attention span was that of gnat. Still, I lived for kittens.
In a panic, I tore out of our backdoor. The kittens were fine, meowing to get out, when I got to them. I cried and told them how sorry I was. They were kittens, I don’t think they told me they forgave me.
That brings me to this blog, and what I’ve left behind here in the deep window well of WordPress. I’m feeling guilty. Writing is everything to me. How could I abandon what I’ve started here? There are a lot of excuses, boring and predictable. Blah blah Pandemic blah blah cortisol raging through my nervous system blah blah new episode of The Mandalorian just dropped blah blah blah.
Look, it’s not like I’m waking up in the middle of the night, suddenly struck with a panic that I haven’t written a blog post in years…. YEARS…. but why am I here now? Not for forgiveness, that’s for kitties. I’m not completely sure, but I feel there is more here to be explored: a reclamation of who I used to be and maybe a public inquiry into what is possible. I doubt I’ll have anything important or even interesting to say. After all, how many rip-roaring cat stories have a I got in me?, never mind I’m a dog person now.
Something is compelling me to write across this white screen, off the edge and beyond.
The return of Grampus ! Tally Ho!
Sent from my iPhone